Dr. Gordon Neufeld
Dr. Gordon Neufeld is a developmental psychologist based in Vancouver, British Columbia. He co-authored Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers with Canadian physician Gabor Maté. Gordon Neufeld's key contribution to developmental psychology is his attachment theory, which outlines six stages in developing relational capacity and introduces the concept of polarization to explain both shyness and defensive detachment. His approach builds on John Bowlby’s attachment theory. Dr. Neufeld taught psychology at the University of British Columbia for 20 years and later founded the Neufeld Institute in Vancouver, which offers education and training for parents and professionals based on his theories.
Many people think that discipline is the essence of parenting. But that isn't parenting. Parenting is not telling your child what to do when he or she misbehaves. Parenting is providing the conditions in which a child can realize his or her full human potential. –Dr. Gordon Neufeld
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Before retiring, Dr. Gordon Neufeld amassed over 40 years of experience as a clinical psychologist working with children, youth, and their caregivers. A leading authority on child development, he remains an international speaker, best-selling author (Hold On to Your Kids), and a prominent voice in the developmental paradigm. Known for his ability to simplify complex issues and inspire change, Dr. Neufeld previously taught at universities and maintained a private practice. For the past two decades, he has focused on developing courses for parents, teachers, and helping professionals, primarily offered through the Neufeld Institute—an online educational and charitable organization dedicated to applying developmental science to raising children. His lifelong mission has been to equip adults with the tools to help children thrive. He is a father of five and a grandfather of seven.
Dr. Gordon Neufeld is widely recognized as a leading interpreter and communicator of the developmental approach. His comprehensive model, refined through years of synthesis and distillation, offers an integrated perspective rooted in depth psychology, grounded in the developmental paradigm, enriched by attachment theory, aligned with contemporary neuroscience, and shaped by over four decades of professional practice, parenting, and personal reflection.
In a landscape often dominated by fragmented knowledge, specialized jargon, and treatment strategies detached from their philosophical foundations, Neufeld’s approach stands out as a refreshing alternative. His model moves beyond conventional cognitive-behavioral methods and the medicalized "disorder" framework, providing profound insights for parenting, teaching, and therapeutic practice. As one psychologist put it, “In an era that focuses on the superficial and specializes in the specifics, Gordon goes for depth and the big picture. He leads us to a way of thinking that penetrates to the very essence of things and then opens doors for change.”
Neufeld has developed groundbreaking theories on aggression, counterwill, bullying, and anxiety, earning national and international recognition. His comprehensive attachment theory outlines six stages in developing relational capacity and introduces key constructs such as polarization (which explains shyness and defensive detachment) and the alpha/dependent dynamic (which sheds light on bullying and the rise of hard-to-parent alpha children). His attachment model applies universally—across age groups and settings, from homes to schools.
While inspired by early attachment pioneers like John Bowlby, Konrad Lorenz, and Harry Harlow, Neufeld’s model also integrates insights from other theories of human connection, brain science, and even physical sciences, where the drive for proximity is fundamental. His approach resonates deeply with students from diverse cultural backgrounds, providing a conceptual framework that aligns with their intuitive understanding of relationships. Free from the esoteric language that often alienates those who need it most, Neufeld’s model makes the science of attachment accessible to parents, educators, and professionals seeking to foster deeper connections.
